Dial 'nine-one-one'

So, I am now facing a deep financial crisis. This is the first time since 2007 (I've had numerous financial crisis from 2003 until 2007) and it was pretty much like other financial crises I've had before. I did my calculation last night and starting from today I can only spend RM1.50 on meal, a day, for one month before my next paycheque. Oh yeah, sounds like deep shit? I've had even bigger, deeper, and way smellier shit before. You remember the financial crisis in 1997? I think I did but mostly it was filled with memories of walking back from school in thick haze like there was no tomorrow. However, my point is this: Malaysia, heck even the whole world had gone through a massive economic recession in 1997, but I did not suffer much from it because I was still safely being fed by my parents (although my father wasn't making anything much back then, and until now), and I was only uh... what age... young enough to understand the world, except for the haze, which was very horrible. And back then I was still listening to Savage Garden (yes, yes, yes, lame) and Backstreet Boys (yes, yes, yes, laugh all you want) and a few other rubbish more. Still too naive for the world; still too naive for Radiohead and all of my current listening roster; still too naive for all the philosophies I now hold dear in my heart.

I think my growing up in music only did occur when I was in form one when I started to have this invisible urgency in me to wanting to listen to heavier, noisier music, and hence my discovery of Metallica, and Marilyn Manson (and I became a big fan for quite a while) and Rage Against the Machine. I also started reading this one pull-out from The Star which appears every Wednesday (if I'm not mistaken) where they have this one column reviewing albums by artists/bands that I've never heard of before. That's where I added Pulp, and Jeff Buckley, and the Jesus and Mary Chain, and Radiohead to my vocabulary. Since I don't get to buy any of those bands' CD or cassette, I can only imagine what they sounded like by reading at the description of the band's music as described by the reviewer. From there then I started to collect money to buy CDs (which still until today is quite a luxury item for me) and the very first CD that I bought with my own money was Marilyn Manson's live concert CD (I've forgotten the title of the CD). Then it was Slipknot's debut (which then I sold it to Pa'an which I've forgotten what the reason was). Then it was Prodigy's Fat of the Land (then sold it at the now history Music Exchange, and still I can't remember for what reason). I don't remember what happened to the Marilyn Manson CD. But I know it's not with me.

The most significant change happened to me (or in me I think) was when I discovered Silverchair's Neon Ballroom. It was nothing like I've ever heard before, and suddenly, a whole new paradigm of music opens up before me. That's when I started listening to Radiohead, and Sigur Ros, and Godspeed You Black Emperor, and before long, I'm already on the other side of the current. It's not mainstream, not underground, but left field.

A number of people have asked me what's so interesting about the kind of music that I listen to - I think it all goes down to exclusivity. Not many people around me are left filed, and therefore this listening party is a very posh and swanky (sort of) lot. It's a selective group where only a small, dignified number of people joined. It's like polo; only the Datuks and the rich and famous joins them while the poor masses go out every evening play football. But that's not the whole truth however because left field music is all about music and art. Mainstream music is about melody and craft; they were written/composed to be sort of nice and pleasing to the ear. Left field music were written/composed because we have music in every one of us. It is the kind of music that touches our soul because it was in tune with our nature. Left field music is all about art, and not craft, because it was meant to be offensive, it was meant to be unpleasant, it was meant to be unpopular - it was not meant to be sold but appreciated. That's what I like about left field music. I like what melody can do to me but it was the music that I appreciate best. Craft makes the music looks good but art makes the music indispensable.

So what has all this got to do with my financial crisis? Ah nothing really. I just feel like writing about something. So Hafeez, seringgit setengah satu hari untuk makan. Boleh? Boleehh!!