Ever since my financial crisis took a turn for the worst, I've been having this urgency inside me to write more. Which is good, but if only you have anything good and worthwhile to write about. Otherwise it's just a useless excess of weird and uncontrollable emotion that's only contributing more towards global warming. Or HFMD virus outbreak. The other thing is that if only that urgency is saying: "Hafeez, go and write your masterpiece!" but instead it doesn't. What it actually made me do is this - rambling on about practically nothing. But then it's a good start either. Nowadays everybody only cares to read about nothing. They only care to read about rubbish. Like my colleague sitting beside me right now, browsing through forwarded forwarded forwarded e-mail about the new Proton MPV (which was actually a joke). So there you go; rubbish everybody. Now feed on it.
I just had a brilliant idea (which occurred possibly around last week). For something that's called groundbreaking literature: mis-fit writing. It's about fraction of a person's memory that's being told in a first person point of view but the plot keeps on collapsing and changing suddenly and leaving the reader absolutely stunned and confused. If literary works in the form of novels or short stories or poems or plays were written with the sole intent of telling story in a clear way, this method is the complete way around. It does not want to tell any story - in fact it has no story to tell at all. Mis-fit writing is about wasting time reading. You know how people love to read garbages like Hai, Mangga, Mastika and the lot? The same thing applies here. Mis-fit writing is meant to shock and infuriate and disgust people. It is meant to be unpleasant and foul and hated. It is meant to leave everyone completely confused. When you read a mis-fit writing work, you can't even tell which is the beginning and which is the ending; which is the reality (of the story) and which is the imagination of the character (of the story). The line between reality and fantasy is blurred. Nothing is real, nothing is imaginary. Everything is tangible, everything is not tangible. What is possible is also impossible. What is impossible is also possible. The whole work looks like it is falling apart and yet it sticks together because it needs one another. Mis-fit writing is about making two things that seems separable works together. Mis-fit writing is about making two things that seems inseparable cannot work together. It's not putting the puzzle pieces together; it's not about winning the chess game; it's not about completing the crossword puzzle; it's not about solving sudoku; mis-fit writing is all about that one moment where absolutely everything happens and absolutely nothing happens. It's about putting two extreme polars together. Mis-fit writing is not about winning any accolades or awards; it's just meant to criticize simple minded people who only cares for/about other people's lives instead of the world; the politics, the economy, the global crises. The real threat that we're all facing. Mis-fit writing is meant to remind future generations about the one time where everyone was ignorant towards the world they were living in. Mis-fit writing is about telling future generations that if the world is about to destroy at that time, they know they only have us to blame. Because we fucked with their chance of a bright future. Mis-fit writing is to be as selfish as possible; like how we are at the moment.
This entry will be full of story of failure, starting with:
Failing health - my grandfather (my father's father) is down with a cancer. Can't remember which part of his body but I know it is contributed by his heavy smoking. I still remember clearly those days when I was still in pre-school when I regard him to be my best friend. Of course, growing up and not seeing him a lot since then, that fondness towards him had grown lesser. He's a very small man and looked kind of frail but he always pride at his quite amazing bicep. He always told stories of how physically strong he is while flexing his muscle in front of the then awed me. But he's a very heavy smoker. But until today I still look at him as some sort of a hero; had a glorious heyday during his youth, downed enemies from the neighboring kampung, had many beautiful maids admiring him. But he also had a curious shine in his eyes that shows a sign of melancholic loneliness. I feel like giving him a hug.
Failing wealth - I have my final rm10 note in my wallet and I'm supposed to survive on that for at least another two weeks. Once I've spent that ten ringgit, all hell breaks loose. I've already spent all my coins saving; I can't possibly call my parents because they are also facing basically the same issue as I do; I can't call anyone really - my handphone is out of credit and I can't use the public phone because I'm out of coins. It has been for two consecutive nights that I've been having nightmares of Big Macs and teppanyakis and Pizza Hut. Just about the right time to have the craving for expensive foods. Damn it.
Eeeverryyboddyy trrripping over! Children in one corner. Domestic women in one corner. Where is everybody else?! All board the ship! The great tsunami is coming. The end is nigh - for all men, young or old, handsome or ugly, professionals or jobless, example citizens or criminals, stupid or a little bit brilliant; they all have to die. Who of the two sex has brought all pain and injustice and sorrow and suffering in this world if not for the males?! For decades we have seen women being exploited and treated unjustly and unloved and it is all the males' fault. The world doesn't need the males. The males are the harbinger of doom! All religions in this world talked about the devil - who else best fit the description of the devil if not the males themselves. They kill, they rape, they steal, they sodomize, they create chaos, unrest and instability; why else do we still need them in this world. There are no exception. All males are the same! They are all killers! They are all liars! They are all the devil! Kill all the males! Rrrriiipp theeeiiirr heads off!!! Enough is eeennoouuugghhh!! The world does not need the males. Killlllll them aaaaallllllll!!!!!
I did it! Last night. Installed Ubuntu. This is how my desktop looks like. Haven't tried much of its features yet because I was so tired last night. Went to bed at 10. Will post something more about it later. Banyak gile kerja ni.
I have finally decided after continously receiving weird error messages that does not make any sense and making my PC go all haywire to give up using Windows for good. After the launch of Vista I thought Windows will finally get the better of their OS' faults but no. I'm not using Vista of course since my PC is only Pentium 4, which is already jurassic age technology, but all my friends are using them and not even a single praise was heard, besides its' visually stunning GUI, which is in every bit and sense, very Apple-ish. It's like dressing a cow in a tracksuit - still not going to win any race. Or like the previous general election - despite all the talk of 'election tsunami', BN is still the ruling party and that sorry son-of-a-brat is still the Prime Minister; still the same old shit. I am on the other hand, however, is an XP user and for quite a while, I couldn't find any problem with it. It was very easy to use; it was a lot better than Windows 98; but on the same front, there wasn't any major changes made to the operating system. Well that's what it seems to me (computer geeks please do not begin a Windows XP debate/tutor with me).
What irks me most about Windows (generally) is its vulnerability. It is too easy to be hacked in; too easy to be attacked by virus; too easy to be paralysed by worms and spywares and a host of other things; but also too easy to be removed (reformatted), which is probably the only good thing. And that's what I'm about to do tonight - I'm going to reformat my PC and make it run on a different OS. I once dreamed of owning a Mac and I still does wet myself just at the thought of having a Mac until now. The only stumbling block for me is that they were all too joyfully expensive. Besides my PC is no Power Mac so no Apple for me. The other option I have is either the complicated Linux or the equally mind boggling Unix - which then I opt for Linux because I came upon this what must be a very stunning looking GUI of Ubuntu, an OS that was based on the Linux system. Find more information on Ubuntu yourself (you're reading this blog so you have got to be online) by typing in www.ubuntu.com in your internet browser, or go to Google search and type in 'I'm a computer geek'.
Later I will report whether Ubuntu is THE alternative to Windows.
So, I am now facing a deep financial crisis. This is the first time since 2007 (I've had numerous financial crisis from 2003 until 2007) and it was pretty much like other financial crises I've had before. I did my calculation last night and starting from today I can only spend RM1.50 on meal, a day, for one month before my next paycheque. Oh yeah, sounds like deep shit? I've had even bigger, deeper, and way smellier shit before. You remember the financial crisis in 1997? I think I did but mostly it was filled with memories of walking back from school in thick haze like there was no tomorrow. However, my point is this: Malaysia, heck even the whole world had gone through a massive economic recession in 1997, but I did not suffer much from it because I was still safely being fed by my parents (although my father wasn't making anything much back then, and until now), and I was only uh... what age... young enough to understand the world, except for the haze, which was very horrible. And back then I was still listening to Savage Garden (yes, yes, yes, lame) and Backstreet Boys (yes, yes, yes, laugh all you want) and a few other rubbish more. Still too naive for the world; still too naive for Radiohead and all of my current listening roster; still too naive for all the philosophies I now hold dear in my heart.
I think my growing up in music only did occur when I was in form one when I started to have this invisible urgency in me to wanting to listen to heavier, noisier music, and hence my discovery of Metallica, and Marilyn Manson (and I became a big fan for quite a while) and Rage Against the Machine. I also started reading this one pull-out from The Star which appears every Wednesday (if I'm not mistaken) where they have this one column reviewing albums by artists/bands that I've never heard of before. That's where I added Pulp, and Jeff Buckley, and the Jesus and Mary Chain, and Radiohead to my vocabulary. Since I don't get to buy any of those bands' CD or cassette, I can only imagine what they sounded like by reading at the description of the band's music as described by the reviewer. From there then I started to collect money to buy CDs (which still until today is quite a luxury item for me) and the very first CD that I bought with my own money was Marilyn Manson's live concert CD (I've forgotten the title of the CD). Then it was Slipknot's debut (which then I sold it to Pa'an which I've forgotten what the reason was). Then it was Prodigy's Fat of the Land (then sold it at the now history Music Exchange, and still I can't remember for what reason). I don't remember what happened to the Marilyn Manson CD. But I know it's not with me.
The most significant change happened to me (or in me I think) was when I discovered Silverchair's Neon Ballroom. It was nothing like I've ever heard before, and suddenly, a whole new paradigm of music opens up before me. That's when I started listening to Radiohead, and Sigur Ros, and Godspeed You Black Emperor, and before long, I'm already on the other side of the current. It's not mainstream, not underground, but left field.
A number of people have asked me what's so interesting about the kind of music that I listen to - I think it all goes down to exclusivity. Not many people around me are left filed, and therefore this listening party is a very posh and swanky (sort of) lot. It's a selective group where only a small, dignified number of people joined. It's like polo; only the Datuks and the rich and famous joins them while the poor masses go out every evening play football. But that's not the whole truth however because left field music is all about music and art. Mainstream music is about melody and craft; they were written/composed to be sort of nice and pleasing to the ear. Left field music were written/composed because we have music in every one of us. It is the kind of music that touches our soul because it was in tune with our nature. Left field music is all about art, and not craft, because it was meant to be offensive, it was meant to be unpleasant, it was meant to be unpopular - it was not meant to be sold but appreciated. That's what I like about left field music. I like what melody can do to me but it was the music that I appreciate best. Craft makes the music looks good but art makes the music indispensable.
So what has all this got to do with my financial crisis? Ah nothing really. I just feel like writing about something. So Hafeez, seringgit setengah satu hari untuk makan. Boleh? Boleehh!!
Exam's over. Everyone went back home. The campus is awfully quiet.
I'm packing up my backpack. Still waiting for my last month's paycheck. Off to travelling somewhere alone. Goodbye peeps!
I'll be away for one week.
Glorious 20th Century is a feature segment that highlights on bands/artists from the 20th century who has made a significant impact on the music scene (or the least on me personally); so with me saying that I might include Micheal Jackson in this segment as well - someday. Soon. Hopefully. Maybe. Uh... whatever.
So, on to the second issue of Glorious 20th Century, presenting: Sonic Youth. Which is pretty neat I reckon because for the first issue I did on The Fall, one of the band that was listed as the source of influence on Sonic Youth. Although my love affair with this band had only started in 2002 with the release of Murray Street (great album that), which then puts me in the unfortunate position of not having the right authority (sort of) to talk about this band since they have been around well before I was born, I had however did some research on the band (thank you, the ever untrusted Wikipedia), just like my other love affair with Pink Floyd, my greatest love of all, way older than Sonic Youth, and only blossomed somewhere in 2001 if I'm not mistaken. Or was it 2000? Borrowed Pa'an's The Wall Live double cassette album bought at bargain price at the now history Tower Records at KL Plaza. (Thanks dude)
I wanted to talk myself on what is so significant about Sonic Youth but well, having only listened to three albums (Daydream Nation, Murray Street and Sonic Nurse), plus A Thousand Leaves borrowed from Pa'an, I guess my knowledge on the earlier stuff are pretty limited. So, here's a thousand words copied and pasted from allmusicguide:
Sonic Youth was one of the most unlikely success stories of underground American rock in the '80s. Where contemporaries R.E.M. and Hüsker Dü were fairly conventional in terms of song structure and melody, Sonic Youth began their career by abandoning any pretense of traditional rock & roll conventions. Borrowing heavily from the free-form noise experimentalism of the Velvet Underground and the Stooges, and melding it with a performance art aesthetic borrowed from the New York post-punk avant-garde, Sonic Youth redefined what noise meant within rock & roll. Sonic Youth rarely rocked, though they were inspired directly by hardcore punk, post-punk, and no wave. Instead, their dissonance, feedback, and alternate tunings created a new sonic landscape, one that redefined what rock guitar could do. Their trio of independent late-'80s records -- EVOL, Sister, Daydream Nation -- became touchstones for a generation of indie rockers who either replicated the noise or reinterpreted it in a more palatable setting. As their career progressed, Sonic Youth grew more palatable as well, as their more free-form songs began to feel like compositions and their shorter works began to rock harder. During the '90s, most American indie bands, and many British underground bands, displayed a heavy debt to Sonic Youth, and the group itself had become a popular cult band, with each of its albums charting in the Top 100.
More to come in later issues of Glorious 20th Century: Pavement, Hawkwind, Joni Mitchell, Flying Saucer Attack, and many others. Note: the two songs featured are from Sonic Youth's 1988 release Daydream Nation.
Since I've been listening to a lot of old indie records for the last two weeks, it was only a matter of time before I come up with another segment (Glorious 20th Century) dedicated especially for bands from the last century that I love and has made a significant impact on the music scene. So, it is with pleasure for me to present, the first band to be covered for this segment, The Fall. Formed in 1976 in Prestwich, Bury, The Fall is best known for its abrasive guitar-driven sound and Mark E. Smith's distinctive vocals and his often cryptic lyrics. The record that I have been listening to is Hex Enduction Hour, recorded in 1981 in Iceland and was released on March 8, 1982; a one hour art rock record which sound can be found similarly copied by the likes of Nirvana and Pavement. Music critics say this album is one of their most accessible for the mainstream market; it could be a joke really. The opener "The Classical" is the very anti-thesis to that statement because if speaking of accesibility in terms of sound then yes, perhaps. But the mainstream market may find Smith's opening line: "Where are the obligatory niggers?/ Hey there f**kface" in that song a bit leftfield. Politically incorrect or not; the song was one of the many great moments that makes up the gem that was Hex Enduction Hour.
Brilliant.
